Fences, Neighbors, and Boundaries

Good fences make good neighbors, so the saying goes. That old saying has more than a grain of truth. Everyone likes to have boundaries that are recognized and respected. But sometimes our boundaries are just a little too strict, and that leads to problems. As another saying goes, The fence that makes good neighbors needs a gate to make good friends.

I have been both victim and perpetrator when it comes to abusing boundaries, whether they be fences, beliefs, rules, or personal preferences. I have to admit I have walked over others' properly placed boundaries, just as others have stepped beyond mine. But sometimes our boundaries are just ridiculous. In fact, some of them would be funny if they weren't so infuriating and, at times, costly.

We all know of some boundaries that are just plain silly; did you know in many places it is illegal to park your car in such a way that you block your own driveway? And we all know people who take perfectly good boundaries and abuse them for their own purposes. Both are frustrating. But, they are also unavoidable. Since we are throwing out old sayings, we might as well include, The world would be great, if it weren't for all the people.

So how are we to respond when someone abuses or ignores our boundaries, or sets up boundaries that are abusive to us?

The terms grace and mercy come to mind. Grace is giving someone something (good) they do not deserve; God is gracious in that He offers us salvation through Jesus Christ. Mercy is not giving someone something they do deserve, as in a punishment; God is merciful in that He does not submit us to the judgment we deserve. Similar, but distinctly different.

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

We should respond to others as God responds to us when we cross His boundaries. While it is true that God corrects and rebukes, even disciplines those He loves, He is also merciful and full of grace. He gives us grace that we do not deserve, and mercifully holds back His judgment.

That's a hard model to follow.

What did I do in response to the event which triggered this writing? I respected their boundaries, and am putting up a bigger fence of my own. For, as Carl Sandburg said, Love your neighbor as yourself, but don't take down the fence.