Christian had a secret. Deep within his soul burned a fire, an ever-present desire. Like a caged tiger it paced restlessly within him, first pressing against the cage of his mind, then slinking back into the shadows, only to return once more. Searching. Stalking. Wanting.
Day after day, night after night it paced. On good days, a constant, echoing growl rumbled through Christian's head, reminding him of his want. On bad days, the growl rose to a thundering roar so fierce and loud Christian feared all around him would hear it. On those days he hid himself away, tucked safely behind the walls he had built between his tiger and the world until the beast within him relented once more, not to disappear, nor to cease his constant prowling, but at least to quiet enough that Christian could emerge once more behind the facade of normalcy.
Christian lived in fear every day of his life. Fear of the tiger. Fear of the world. Fear of the two meeting, realizing the other existed, and thereby learning his secret. Christian feared what the tiger would do if loosed upon the world, but even more than that he feared what the world would do to his tiger if ever they found it. For as much as Christian feared the beast, he loved it, cherished it, cared for it so deeply that he could not bear the thought of losing it. And in his world, tigers were not allowed.
So it went, this war within simple Christian, as he fought to restrain his dangerous pet, fearing and hating it all the time he loved and cared for it. Wishing it were gone all the while hiding it from the world so that it would not be taken away. Desperately wanting to be free, knowing he was as much captive as captor, more prisoner than guard. His tiger was caged, but it was a cage for two.
As all things he loved, feared, desired, and despised, Christian gave his tiger a name, although he knew it was named before it ever became his. It was a simple name, but powerful. A single syllable, so easily uttered, yet Christian rarely allowed it to cross his mind, let alone roll off his tongue for fear that doing so would unfetter the great beast and all would be lost.
To call it by name would be to admit its identity. Doing so, he knew, could only lead to admitting that he had no business keeping such a dangerous beast hidden away. He'd have to let it go, release it to the only One who could truly master it. His tiger of the shadows, his enemy-friend of darkness, would then be gone. Though Christian understood, knew deep in his soul that this must come to be, that he must rid himself of the danger or else become his tiger's next meal, he wasn't ready. Not yet.
Little did he know . . .
To be continued . . .
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